


thinking of you, wherever you are (if you come here, you'll find me)

by WickedSong



Series: the sorceress and knight [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: At least as much as it can be, Canon Compliant, F/M, Post-KHII
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 02:32:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17674763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WickedSong/pseuds/WickedSong
Summary: Wordlessly, Leon handed her the letter, and she peered down at it; inquisitive as always. It was a very familiar expression. Leon remembered finding her, at Merlin's hut, with her nose stuck in some book or another, studying magic and the powers she'd received from the previous Sorceress.“I figured you must have enchanted it somehow,” Leon explained. “It’s a-““A map,” finished Rinoa, with a small breath. “I’ll be waiting for you,” she recited; words Leon had used as a lifeline in the long months he’d spent following its trail. “So if you come here-“It was his turn to interrupt. “You’ll find me.”





	thinking of you, wherever you are (if you come here, you'll find me)

**Author's Note:**

> -Rinoa Heartilly should have been in the KH franchise from the beginning, and should have been in KH3. isaidwhatisaid.gif.
> 
> -This is what happens when I _say_ I'm going to bed at 10pm, but end up writing for two hours because I started listening to Without You from Rent while playing KH3 (which I finished this morning, with many many tears), and I get emo, _again_ over the lack of Rinoa in the KH series (and _any_ FF characters in KH3, for that matter. apart from moogles, ok, but wtf Nomura). 
> 
> -I have written so many variations of this idea, but this is the one I think I like best because I do kinda just jump in there. Hope you guys enjoy, and see you in the ending notes!

To see her, standing in front of him now, was a blessing Leon thought he’d never live to see.

The curse, he knew, was the vacant, unsure look in her eyes, as she studied him. Her wings slowly unfurled at the detection of a possible threat, just as Leon remembered. But where they used to be the most pristine white - a younger Yuffie had once dubbed them 'angel wings' - they were now frayed and darkening at their edges.

The only thing stronger than Leon’s guilt at failing to protect the woman in front of him, and at failing to find her, was his sorrow at all she must have been through in the long years they had been apart.

Leon took a step forward; Rinoa took one back.

He remembered a time, wistfully, when it was the other way around.

Holding his hands up, Leon stilled, careful to watch his breathing, and continuing to fight against every instinct to hold her in his arms.

It wouldn’t be fair; as she didn’t remember, and maybe, in the end, he would have to accept that it might be better that way.

Some Knight he’d turned out to be.

“Who _are_ you?” asked Rinoa, her voice cold as ice. “And how did you find me, _here_ of all places?”

“You told me where you were,” Leon replied, coolly.

He moved, to retrieve the letter folded up in his jacket pocket. Rinoa held a hand up, threatening to blast him with some undoubtedly powerful spell if he made any false move.

Still, there must have been some flicker of curiosity in her, as she let him continue - at least under that one condition.

Leon nodded at her, a sign of thanks, producing the letter; the one that had sent him, on the urgings of Yuffie, Aerith and even Cid to track her down.

Holding the letter out, Leon waited only a beat, as the familiar insignia, the same wings she wore on the back of her duster, and the ones he'd emblazoned on the back of his jacket – in blood red, lest he ever forget all that he'd lost, and what he would continue to fight for – floated upwards.

Rinoa watched, stunned, at the sight.

Leon thought that, surely, she must recognise _them_.

And for even a moment, he was sure that she did.

But that moment ended, almost as quickly as it begun.

“You should leave,” Rinoa said, turning sharply, refusing to look at him at all, anymore. “If you’re still here when my Mistress returns-“

“Mistress?” questioned Leon, suddenly intrigued, continuing to wonder why Rinoa would send him this particular letter, but with no memory of it too. It made no sense, and he was determined to at least find out the truth.

“It’s none of your business,” Rinoa replied, fiercely, without looking at him.

But through the course of their conversation, she'd clearly decided he wasn't a threat. Her wings disappeared, right before Leon's eyes, as if she didn't carry them at all. They could be an awfully terrible burden, Leon knew, and he ached in wondering exactly how much pain she must be in.

As if in just wondering such a thing, Leon felt the faintly familiar spark of magic that once bound he and Rinoa together. After all, there were few things stronger in the cosmos than the bond between a Sorceress and her Knight. There was nothing quite as rare, in all the worlds, either.

This connection, the _bond_ as Merlin had called it, began to fade with time. The day it disappeared completely - and Leon thought it was forever - a month or so after he lost Rinoa, was one of the darkest of Leon’s life. Leon wondered, briefly, if this supposed Mistress she spoke of had anything to do with it.

But there was little time to ruminate on that; not when he now understood, even slightly, how Rinoa felt.

Scared. Scared, that she _might_ know him.

Scared, but hopeful too, that she might remember.

“Do you recognise me?” Leon asked.

“No,” replied Rinoa, almost immediately, but with little of the confidence she'd often prided herself in.

Or, he supposed, she was as confident as she usually was when lying. Which was not too confident at all, though she'd gradually gotten better at it, with time.

“Can you look me in the eye, and say that?”

Leon swore he felt her roll _her_ eyes, as she clenched her fist tight.

She looked to be locked in some sort of internal war with herself, and for the first time since they'd come face-to-face, Leon couldn’t be sure she wouldn’t try to kill him where he stood.

He had no regrets if she did.

At least he knew now that his waning hope hadn’t been in vain.

At least he was able to see her, one last time.

But Rinoa didn't strike him, turning instead to face him again, as sharply as before. She stomped over; the same black boots she always wore kicking up the dust around them. Her duster was the same light blue, though torn, ripped and dirtied from whatever she'd been through.

And though this place they'd found themselves in was dark and dreary, there was still a sliver of sunlight that hit off the chain around her neck, drawing Leon's attention to the sight of the ring he'd once given her.

He was glad that she at least never lost that.

Closer now too, Leon could see how time had worn on Rinoa, as it had on all of them. Years spent in this desolate place, a place not easy to reach either, hadn’t been all too kind, but still she looked like…well, _her_.

Years, and she was right in front of him.

Leon thought it might be a dream, or a trick, but he was smarter than that now. This wasn’t a lie, it was a miracle.

If only she could remember him too.

“And you’re sure I sent that?”

Wordlessly, Leon handed her the letter, and she peered down at it; inquisitive as always. It was a very familiar expression. Leon remembered finding her, at Merlin's hut, with her nose stuck in some book or another, studying magic and the powers she'd received from the previous Sorceress.

“I figured you must have enchanted it somehow,” Leon explained. “It’s a-“

“A map,” finished Rinoa, with a small breath. “I’ll be waiting for you,” she recited; words Leon had used as a lifeline in the long months he’d spent following its trail. “So if you come here-“

It was his turn to interrupt. “You’ll find me.”

Rinoa shook her head, at the letter, roughly shoving it back into Leon’s waiting hands.

“I’ll admit it’s my handwriting, but-“

“But you don’t recognise it,” Leon finished. “Just like you don’t recognise me.”

Rinoa shook her head, again. This time, she bit her lower lip. With her hands clasped behind her back, and her eyes studying the ground at her feet intently, it was another scene from years ago.

It was all Leon needed to have hope; something he’d been in dire need of for as long as he could remember.

“It’s not that I _don’t_ recognise you,” Rinoa finally said, quietly, like she was frightened of the admission. She paused, opening her mouth, and then closing it again.

Leon waited, knowing that he had to give her the time to sort through whatever it was she wanted to say.

“I just can't remember,” continued Rinoa, still looking down. “I can’t remember _anything_ , not even my real  _name_. My Mistress found me here, on the verge of death. She healed me, gave me a _new_ name, and let me live in peace, here.”

Leon felt that sorrow only intensify, at the thought of Rinoa spending so much time, alone; confused and unable to remember anything of her past.

Too often had Leon wished he could forget everything. Only after a while, and partially because of the infuriatingly optimistic attitude of the others, as well as Sora, could he see that that wouldn't have solved anything. 

If anything else were to make him sure of that, it would be standing in front of Rinoa now. Without his memories, after all, how would he be here now?

But was it selfish to ask her to remember too, when she had carved out an existence here?

She hadn’t been persecuted, or hated, per say, but her powers _did_ cause some controversy among the people of Traverse Town, when they became public knowledge.

“And are you happy here?” he asked. “Do you feel _complete_?”

Rinoa finally looked up at him, with tears welling in her eyes. He already knew the answer, just by the look on her face, and that answer served to dispel the doubts he had about what he was doing, or why.

The woman he loved was in front of him, and she was still in there, somewhere.

He simply had to find her again, just as he'd once promised.

She surprised him with her next question.

“What’s _your_ name?”

The truth was shameful and the alias he’d created was – if he told her, of all people – a lie. But it made him powerful, when the moniker of _Squall_ did not. Rinoa was the only one allowed to call him by it; she always said she couldn’t wait until Radiant Garden had been restored, and he would change it back.

Still, she understood, and he hadn’t minded the trade-off. Truthfully, and secretly, he liked it when she called him Squall, though he’d never told her. Suddenly, and now standing in front of her again, he wished he had.

Squall, her Knight, was almost someone he felt he could be proud of.

And then she was taken, just as his home had, and Squall was no more. This time, Leon was adamant it was forever.

Now, he wasn’t so sure.

Still he answered, stiffly, “Leon."

Rinoa almost looked disappointed at his answer.

“Was that wrong?” he added, with his best attempt at a half-hearted smile that probably looked more like a grimace.

“No, I guess not if that’s your name,” Rinoa replied, shaking her head. “It’s just…I remember a boy, or a man. We danced under fireworks. It's the only hazy memory I have, and I've never told a single soul apart from you, not even my Mistress. You see, I'm _sure_ his name began with an ‘S’. If I sent this letter, I thought maybe-“

She sighed. “But it was a silly thought, wasn’t it?”

It was Leon’s turn to look down, at her admission, unsure of what to say next without making things more awkward better them. But still, there was a familiarity there now, that hadn’t been before. Rinoa no longer looked like she wanted to kill him, and that, in his opinion, was a good enough start.

“What if I said ‘Leon’ wasn’t my real name?”

“And why would you lie about your name?” Rinoa asked, delicately, and calmly, without judgement.

But Leon’s courage had deserted him, and he couldn’t bear to look in her eyes. But he imagined they might be curious, instead of annoyed. Rinoa always encouraged him to share his feelings, rather than bottle them up.

It had been a hard lesson to learn in the first place, when he’d first met her in Traverse Town, and even harder to re-learn in the aftermath of losing her.

He wondered if she would be proud that he had tried at all.

“Because when I was just a kid, my world was destroyed by the Heartless. I lost my parents and my sister. I blamed myself because I didn’t think I should have been allowed to survive, not when so many others died."

Leon took a deep breath, at the guilt he’d been holding in for years, words he’d only ever voiced to one other person. And when he tilted his head up, to look at Rinoa, he swore he saw recognition flit across her face.

As if she knew she’d heard the words before.

“And even when I was older, and stronger, and only _one_ person called me by my real name, I-I couldn’t protect her like I should have.”

“This person, she was important to you?” probed Rinoa. “Like the man I remember?”

“More than anything,” Leon admitted.

“And your name?” questioned Rinoa. “Your real name?”

And though she didn’t remember, she was, as always, the only one who could see through him. She always said ‘Leon’ was too serious, too stuffy, in her opinion. She preferred Squall, she’d insist, and Leon thought that might be the one thing that hadn’t changed, in the years that now stood between them.

And maybe that too meant that even those obstacles could be overcome. All he had to do was help her remember, and he felt that now he knew how to, though it was a hard thing to admit, after all this time of running away.

“It’s Squall.”

“Squall,” repeated Rinoa, nodding her head slowly, as she stepped away from him. She closed her eyes, and brought her hands up to clasp the rings she wore around the chain on her neck; the wedding ring from a mother she confessed she barely remembered, and his.

Leon held a hand out, to reach for her, but with her eyes closed, she shook her head, as though she felt him. She was concentrating, like she was casting a spell as powerful as any she’d learned from Merlin. Though it hurt, Leon realised it meant this was something she had to do by herself.

“My name is Rinoa. And yours is Squall. We met in Traverse Town,” she muttered, sounding as though it pained her to remember. But the smile on her face said something different, and so Leon willed her to recall more.

“That’s true,” he told her, gently.

“You saved me from the Heartless,” Rinoa said. “The man – the one who looked after you and the other kids-“

“Cid,” supplied Leon, with a fond smile.

“Cid,” Rinoa repeated, with some surety, “was so mad at you. I tried to tell him that it was my fault, but you wouldn’t let me.”

Leon nodded, at the memory.

“You were persistent, but I knew your heart was in the right place,” he replied. “I didn’t think it was right, that he might yell at you for something you had no control over.”

Rinoa laughed, ever so slightly, even in the midst of such concentration, and it gave Leon hope anew, more than he’d ever thought he’d deserve to have.

“You told me about your home too; the Garden?”

“ _Radiant_ Garden,” corrected Leon.

“Yes,” Rinoa replied. “You said you’d show me the flower fields one day; the ones your mother and sister tended to. You said that if we got separated-“

“We’d find each other there.”

Rinoa made a ‘humph’ noise, and Leon could almost hear what she was thinking.

 _This_  place, where he'd eventually found her, wasn’t Radiant Garden. There were no vibrant reds and yellows and greens springing up from the ground. It was a barren wasteland, on a deserted island, and as far removed from the other worlds as Leon could imagine.

But Rinoa was here. In the end, that was all that mattered. 

“You said it could be a home, once you got it back, once you rebuilt it. I was looking forward to seeing the castle there, too.”

“And I can still show you.”

It was hard, after all this time, Leon realised, to reflect on all the time lost, and the things they might’ve been able to have by now, if time and fate hadn’t intervened. They had made so many plans, and had so many dreams, for when their lives could be their own again. They had been forced to the back of his mind for as long as he could remember.

But maybe, Leon thought, he should just be grateful for the here and now they’d miraculously been given, as he continued to keep his careful distance from her.

“I ended up here, after the Heartless swallowed me,” Rinoa continued. “I sent the last of my memories to you, so you could find me. My heart,” she clutched the rings tighter, “my heart is still here. But I think, it was waiting.”

And with that, Rinoa blinked her eyes open. Tears streamed down her face, and she made no move to wipe them away. With a smile, she tilted her head at him.

For the longest second, longer than any Leon could remember, they could only stare at one another – both wanting, desperately  _pining_  for each other, and to take that first step forward. Yet Leon knew he was petrified that if they did then perhaps this might prove to be some illusion; a wonderful, beautiful dream they were still to wake from.

But when Leon finally took that plunge, one foot in front of the other, and gathering his pace in order to reach her, nothing changed at all. Rinoa was still there, and now she was in front of him, as real as she had ever been. Now, she knew who he was, and more importantly, who she had been, once upon a time.

Who _they_ had been, and could still be.

With a cry of joy, Rinoa wrapped her arms around him, tightly. Leon felt her nestle her head into the crook of his shoulder, as he stroked her hair softly. She sobbed quietly, and Leon felt his own tears – relief, joy, disbelief – too.

When they pulled apart, there were still tears in Rinoa’s eyes, but her watery-eyed smile still managed to be as bright as any star in Radiant Garden's sky. He couldn't wait to show her those same stars, now.

Rinoa reached up, touching his cheek.

“That scar,” she said, with concern. “It’s the one from the same day-“

Leon nodded, at the reminder of the wound he'd received on the day they'd last parted. Truth be told, though, he'd barely registered it at the time, as consumed as he was with grief and loss.

“Without your magic it would have been worse,” he assured her, filling in blanks she might still not remember; the bad parts that he wished he could shield her from.

Rinoa smiled bashfully at the reminder, and looked down. By now, their hands were clasped together. Leon touched his forehead to hers; and felt as she closed her eyes against his. There was a distinct sense of peace in his heart too; a feeling that only Rinoa was able to inspire.

Certainly, there were still plenty of questions to ask of their time apart; he didn’t doubt that Rinoa would have plenty of her own for him too, and there were things he was unclear, and worried, about too.

But, he decided those were questions for another day, as he pulled away slowly. Rinoa began to pout, as if she wished they could simply stay like that, forever.

Leon couldn’t deny that he wouldn’t mind that either.

But there were still promises he had to keep, and he vowed he would never break one, not to her, again.

“Are you ready to see Radiant Garden?”

“With Leon?” Rinoa asked. “Or _Squall_?”

In that question, and the sly upturn of her lips, Leon knew he had found the answer to a question he'd asked himself for years. There was no need, now, to hide behind the mantle he’d bestowed upon himself.

His world had been restored, and now, after months of tireless searching, so had the fractured pieces of his heart.

“I think you know the answer to that question,” he replied.

“Squall it is, then.”

And, with Rinoa's hand in his, Squall didn’t mind _that_ at all.

**Author's Note:**

> -And if _you_ , dear reader, still have questions, then that's on purpose because I may expand on this a bit more. I have all these ideas floating around my head on how Rinoa could have been in the KH series that I have created my own, let's say, mini head-canons around them, trying to stick as faithful to KH-canon as I can, too. So keep an eye out for that, if you're interested, though I can't guarantee anything, because my muse sometimes _hates_ me.
> 
> -All in all, I hope you enjoyed reading this, because I know I sure as hell loved writing it, and I really do want to flesh out this Squinoa in KH universe a little too! If you did, consider a wee comment, or even a kudos (all is very much appreciated).


End file.
